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My daughter compared me to another dad

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    #11
    A child’s brain bounces around as they try to figure things out. When they eventually do, they usually latch onto the better person.
    billeau2 billeau2 likes this.

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      #12
      Originally posted by FinitoxDinamita View Post
      My eldest who is turning 7 just landed a bomb on me and it's the worst feeling ever.

      ​​​​​​My wife took her out and her best friend yesterday and soon as they came back home, my girl asked why Jenny's family has 5 cars when we only have 3.. I explained to her that having several cars dont mean anything because we have 3 very nice cars. Then she says that Jenny's house is bigger than our house and that's when my stomach started turning. First of all, i know through mutual friends that Jenny's pad was given by the grand parents and that dont mean sht to me. I worked for all my sht and i am proud to be self made. I also explained to her that Jenny's parents both have to work while your mommy gets to stay home because daddy makes good money.

      ​​​​​While Im explaining all this, my wife is shaking her head talking about how im so immature to be saying all this to a 7 year old but man I couldnt help it. I had to clarify this sht.

      Kids today are different man. I didnt even think about money and sht like that at 7 years old but social media is making kids grow too fast.

      But this was another reminder that money means alot in life and I have to earn more.
      I feel for you but your baby girl needs a serious scolding. In my house, it's morals over materials all day and if anybody strays there is going to be a lot of preaching even if takes hours, days or months. I will not let go until it's all good. Did Jesus Christ have 5 cars and a nice house?
      FinitoxDinamita FinitoxDinamita likes this.

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        #13
        Originally posted by FinitoxDinamita View Post

        True.. i think that's what boggles my mind. Im pretty content with my position and I thought my daughter looked as me as the coolest dad on the block so when she started comparing me, I didnt know how to take it. I was confused, angry, and started questioning myself.

        I can only take memories with me when I die so Im going to make lots of it but at the same time, im going to step up my game and be a better provider.
        100%. He fed that beast and his solution is to make more money to please his daughter. That's just the wrong way to go about her. But he's gotta start the change with himself first. Why need 3 cars? Why need 5 cars? two at the most
        Willy Wanker Willy Wanker likes this.

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          #14
          Originally posted by FinitoxDinamita View Post

          Definitely. It's really about making life long memories which is why I travel so much with them even though id rather go with friends sometime. Im still a teenager at heart. I try my best by spending time with her and buying her anything she wants so for her to compare me to another dad kind of hurt me tbh. Like wow so what I do is not enough.

          Social media is a bad influence and Im putting restrictions on YT and all the other platforms.

          Fatherhood is alot tougher than I expected lol.
          Your being hard on yourself... And of course it is easy for others to chide you lol. Whenever we work on something we don't like being compared unfairly. And... fatherhood takes work, as does being succesful enough to make a good living. So the question becomes what a precocious 7 year old can understand? and how much we can let something like an ignorant sociological prejudice bother us.

          I might ask my kid something like, how big does a house have to be? How many cars does anyone need? And then maybe hit her with the Greek Fable that addresses this sort of thing: So two Gods are walking in a poor village and decide to test the villagers a bit... they are in the nice section of town and disguised as two poorer travellors. Each time they ask for a drink and some food they are shown the door, kicked out. Eventually they come to a poor couple dining and the couple invite them in... resolving to share what they have... Among those items a pitcher of wine. The couple keep pouring what they have in the disguised God's glasses, and the Gods unknownst to the couple, keep replenishing the wine.

          Eventually the Gods reveal their true selves and bless the couple with untold riches for being good people, despite having very little. the moral of the story of course being... What we have is always limited compared to what our character can ultimately produce for us...
          FinitoxDinamita FinitoxDinamita likes this.

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            #15
            I'm amazed noone has replied that you should go fu ck jennys mum.

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              #16
              I wonder if your wife is thinking the same thing. She scolded you for being immature instead of supporting you and telling the daughter to stop being ungrateful. Maybe she wants what Jenny's dad has. And not just the material things. When you're travelling...I wouldn't leave the wife at home alone.
              JohnnyRebel JohnnyRebel likes this.

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                #17
                Originally posted by travestyny View Post
                Ever wonder if you are putting out something that she is picking up on? From some of your posts around the board it's clear to see you've played a big part in creating this.
                I won't deny it. 80% of my conversation with friends and wife is about money,material things and it's rubbing off on her.

                They are getting older and I really have to watch what I do and say because they are starting to understand things.
                travestyny travestyny likes this.

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                  #18
                  Originally posted by TheOneAboveAll View Post

                  It's not your intention, but your responses project insecurity. You're not in competition with the neighbors, but rationalizing the way you do makes it seem like you are. Your daughter will subconsciously pick up on your insecurity after a while. When she makes these observations to you, it is best to simply say..."that's nice, what did you and Jenny do today?"
                  Im just sensitive and highly competitive in general, that's all. I just care alot about how my daughter thinks of me.

                  I took her out today for ice cream and flew kite with her at the beach so I did my part for today lol.

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                    #19
                    Originally posted by pesticid View Post

                    I feel for you but your baby girl needs a serious scolding. In my house, it's morals over materials all day and if anybody strays there is going to be a lot of preaching even if takes hours, days or months. I will not let go until it's all good. Did Jesus Christ have 5 cars and a nice house?
                    Yea it's a wake up call. Ever since she was born Ive always been out and about working so I rarely ever scolded her about anything. I never denied her of things that she wanted because in my mind, that's what good dads do but i was wrong. Im starting to see shades of entitlement and I told my wife that we need to adjust her attitude while she is still young. Parenting is one of the biggest challenge and I realize that now.

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                      #20
                      Originally posted by billeau2 View Post

                      Your being hard on yourself... And of course it is easy for others to chide you lol. Whenever we work on something we don't like being compared unfairly. And... fatherhood takes work, as does being succesful enough to make a good living. So the question becomes what a precocious 7 year old can understand? and how much we can let something like an ignorant sociological prejudice bother us.

                      I might ask my kid something like, how big does a house have to be? How many cars does anyone need? And then maybe hit her with the Greek Fable that addresses this sort of thing: So two Gods are walking in a poor village and decide to test the villagers a bit... they are in the nice section of town and disguised as two poorer travellors. Each time they ask for a drink and some food they are shown the door, kicked out. Eventually they come to a poor couple dining and the couple invite them in... resolving to share what they have... Among those items a pitcher of wine. The couple keep pouring what they have in the disguised God's glasses, and the Gods unknownst to the couple, keep replenishing the wine.

                      Eventually the Gods reveal their true selves and bless the couple with untold riches for being good people, despite having very little. the moral of the story of course being... What we have is always limited compared to what our character can ultimately produce for us...
                      Spitting good wisdom as always. Your kids are grown so you've been through it all, yes? My girls are getting older and starting to ask more questions and as a guy who has never been a role model type, it's kind of overwhelming. I really underestimated fatherhood and i cant imagine my wife not being around.

                      I did try to lecture my daughter about materials things and about life before realizing that Im talking to a 7 year old. Lol. I just got defensive too about things which was why my wife called me immature which is true. I have alot of growing up to do myself but Im willing to learn.

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